Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Writing My Own Obituary

Mary Leah Hedengren recently passed away due to natural causes. For example, a heart attack. Lots of people die from heart attacks, very suddenly, and sometimes without any previous medical symptoms. Or a brain aneurysm. That's another good one. She could have died from a brain aneurysm.

Anyway, the point isn't which natural cause it was, but that is was a natural cause. Totally natural. Au naturel, as the French would say. Natural as could be. More natural than the produce section in a hippie co-op. That natural. Nothing suspicious about it at all. Just your run-of-the-mill, completely possible, however tragic, naturally occurring natural causes.

Ms. Hedengren lived an entirely normal, not suspicious, totally safe life. She was born on September 11, 1984 in Provo, Utah, didn't do anything that might cause chagrin to any unsavory characters, and served a full-time mission for the LDS Church. She loved laughter, writing, and not getting involved in over her head in dangerous enterprises. She attended the University of Texas at Austin, taught English to her beloved class and that was it. Just that.

She is proceeded in her completely unforeseen but natural death by several other people who also died of natural causes. All these people were entirely unconnected to each other, only through coincidental relation to Ms. Hedengren. And through possible chance encounters on the street. But then, everyone bumps into strangers on the street all the time; it doesn't necessarily imply that there's some sort of connection between them. And it definitely doesn't imply that their deaths to natural causes were somehow part of a pattern.

She is survived by many loving family members and friends who shouldn't definitely not investigate the causes of her death, which were natural, so there would be nothing at all to investigate. Period.

As there can not be a casketed funeral, a memorial service will be held at the LDS chapel at 1260 W. 1150 N. Provo, Utah. Friends and family may visit and mourn, but certainly not discuss any suspicious circumstances of her demise. In lieu of flowers, please consider a donation to your favorite charity. Just not the police.


mlh said...

That ought to cover any contingencies.

N said...

Um, are you worried about something, Mary?

mlh said...

This way if I die suddenly, I can count on it being thoroughly investigated. I'm kind of a genius.

Margaret said...

You're so dark, Mary

But thank you for warning me ahead of time that your death was due to natural causes. That way I can feel comfortable with my default decision to do as little as possible, and will feel no need to become a vigilante investigator, desperately seeking the truth that tore my (husband's) family apart.