Sunday, June 14, 2009

I'm Too Old for This [Stuff]

One of the social inventions of the last twenty years has been the quarter-life crisis. As education before career takes longer, living with parents becomes more common, and our society continues to prolong adolescence, those of us heading up on twenty-five start to realize...what the heck have I even done with my life? There are some people my age with careers. Some people with families. Some people have careers and families. I have...a series of interesting experiences. I have only semi-direction in my life.

So now I'm trying to figure out how formal I want to make this crisis. Right now, I'm kind of even thinking about throwing a quarter-life crisis party in August (everyone wears businesswear and we watch My Dinner with Andre?). Right now, though, I'm still taking suggestions. One suggestion comes from watching How I Met Your Mother with Jen B. By which I mean The Murtaugh List.

Those of you unfamiliar with the episode/Lethal Weapon movies may not be aware of the catch phrase "I'm too old for this [stuff]" that the grizzled old Danny Glover character mutters through waaay too many sequels. So here's the beginning of my "I'm Too Old for This" list.

The Murtaugh List:

-Wearing backpacks to school on a regular basis
-Complaining about people not doing the dishes
-Leaving the house disheveled and in sweats
- Blowing bubbles/snapping gum in public
- Junk food binges
- novelty pens
- watching the Disney channel/Cartoon Network (adult swim excluded)
- passing notes in church


Please feel free to argue, suggest additional items or otherwise give me direction, but think about it before you make a knee-jerk "But Rainbow Bride dolls are totally workforce appropriate."


Ben said...

I nearly ran out of fuel for my car yesterday. Instead of going to a gas station (which any "adult" would have done) I went to my parent's house and used some gasoline they had in portable gas containers. While there, I threw a load of laundry in the washer. I also ate their ice cream. It was awesome. But, being twenty-five, I felt that I was living in the past a bit too much.

I would need to grow my hair out before attending a pigtail party.

Jamie Zvirzdin said...

I think the mid-life crisis people can give you a few ideas. When I was at the U of U, my professor-boss went through this and came to work in dark shades and a spikey dog collar. It was pretty striking, actually, and I was a little jealous.

But don't waste too much time watching movies and wallowing. That will only result in a 3/10 life crisis. I suggest the ultimate getaway, Mary: ARCHES!!! WHOOOOAOOOOO!! Take some pals and head south! Go to Goblin Valley and recreate the beryllium sphere scene from Galaxy Quest!

Man, I miss those red rocks.

N.B. Don't go anywhere out of the state for Thanksgiving, because we'll probably be visiting my parents and I wanna see you too, okay? We'll go get gelat--er, Belgian waffl--er . . . turkey. And I'll bring you a creepy poster.

J Rock said...

This reminds me of my list of ways I know I'm getting old

-call teenagers "the kids"
-complain about "the kids'" hair and jean styles
-insist on wearing earplugs at concerts because the music is "too loud"

Makayla said...

How about being too old to fight with children?

Or being too old to hide in the pantry so you can lick the brownie batter all by yourself?

Or being too old to have to kill spiders with hairspray before you actually squish them and flush them?

I suppose we never fully grow out of some things.

Jennifer said...

I would like to add leaving the house in pajamas and using texting spelling/slang. R U going 2 nite? is atrocious. (Not that you are guilty of this in specific.)

mlh said...

But the music IS too loud!

Makayla said...

I don't know if you've read "No Country for Old Men," but I just read this part of it, and it made me think of your post... and in the middle of a most serious book, the comparison made me laugh:

"Young people anymore they seem to have a hard time growin up. I don't know why. Maybe it's just that you dont grow up any faster than what you have to. I had a cousin was a deputized peace officer when he was eighteen. He was married and had a kid at the time. I had a friend that I grew up with was ordained a Baptist preacher at the same age...."

xister said...

Um. I think that you don't get too old for leaving the house all grungy and in sweats; you go through a phase when it is unacceptable. Moms with kids do it all the time.