Mary Versus the Trumpeting Legions of Apathy

Now I'm all graduated. It really doesn't feel like that big of a step because, of course, this fall I'll be headed back with the same teachers, studying the same thing at the same school. Still. The Humanities Department convocation was an exerise in sitting politely and trying not to not off (although I did count six people on the stand who did so) while a long-winded philosophy professor talked about a BYU history exhibit (that has been in development 7 years and isn't even open yet) for nearly an hour. What ever happened to "go forth and change the world, the future belongs to you, this is only a beginning, etc?" University commencement was better (and shorter) with David A. telling us all that we only come to college to learn skills of how to love learning. Also, he acknowledged that no one at graduation is there for the speaker. Pshw. I did get my Costco carrot cake with apricot filling and a very pretty BYU-blue and white dress. And, having moved into my...

The bad news is that school's not over yet--I have 3 finals next week. But the good news is that at this nearing-180-credit point in my life, I doubt even a string of Bs can do much harm to my GPA. The good news, also, is that I'm going to have a kickin' summer. In yearbook terms. I'm going to spend 3 weeks living the American dream, which is to say the Americans by James Joyce dream. I'm pretty much coming of age. So here's what I want: What should I bring on my backpacking in Europe? What should I see? Go, team, go

I got to co-host the BYU Unforum. I will probably never again speak in front of so many people in my life. Then again, that's what I said after I spoke at my H.S. graduation. But I got to wear my old prom dress (I'm always looking for an excuse to wear it) and wear hoochy-mama lipstick (I don't know all the reasons why a man would become a transvestite, but I'm pretty sure the hoochy-mama lipstick has something to do with it) and I got to walk down a red carpet and wave and shine to the audience and hang out back stage with Cosmo and Cecil. And that's a pretty good Tuesday.

I like to read. All those who are paying strict attention to the "Books I'm Reading" corner of this blog may realize that Tale of Two Cities has been there, stubbornly, for now months. Yes, I'm still bookmarked near the beginning of the pulsing, wild violence and mushy heroics haven't even been foreshadowed. Sometimes I watch movies instead of reading books, but I really like to read. Maybe you misunderstand me. I can't not read. I'm in the shower and I read the backs of all my shampoo bottles, which is becoming sort of a matins. I read the backs of cereal boxes, the titles of books people I walk by are reading, the headlines of Soap Opera Weekly at the check stand. I pity those who are functionally illiterate as much as those who can't read in the car. Or those who can't read while walking. I can't brush my teeth or take a bath until I've selected something to skim. I read through a cookbook today, reading all of the comments from the wom...

Okay, I've not turned in my acceptance of a benefit and can start registering, so let's talk about defending the choice that I've made. As my gmail tagline has stated the past few days, "I'm BYU bound and BYU-bound." Here are my reasons: 1) I don't want to get into debt for an MA in a program that I'm not particularly interested in for a non-terminal degree at a school that is okay, but not great when... 2) after getting my MA here at BYU I can apply to really good schools that weren't options this round because a) I haven't taken te subject GRE and b) I don't have a strong grasp on Latin, my preferred 3rd/ancient language 3) and after all, BYU is not that bad of a school--I'll get to work with some great faculty whereas MAs at schools that have PhDs tend to stiff their MA students and I'll get to teach here from semester 1 (probably) and as a single woman, I have to consider the search costs of dating outsid...

I'm going to throw away my copy of Crime and Punishment. It's not rage or indignation--some of the the pages from the first half are coming out. I'll probably buy a new copy. But I had to read through this one. Why? I got this book from the box of books outside the door of a professor I'll call, for anonymity's sake, Great Britain. The need to preserve his anonymity stems from the fact that, according to the inside of the cover, Great Britain received this book for Christmas 1981. Also, it's never been read through. That's not to say G.B. hasn't ever read Crime and Punishment or to blame him for that (heaven knows, I've been in that culturally illiterate camp until this last month), but just that this particular book has gone its whole existence with only the pages of the first half being bended and separated. It's like the time I checked out from the library a book that had been published in 1882 and still never had its pages cut. More than a...

1. 28 Dresses Later a high-adrenaline zombie-bridesmaid thriller. When one dress too many turns the minds of the perpetual bridesmaid, they roam post-apocalyptic London, tearing to shreds everyone with well-manicured nails and biting them with their recently-whitened teeth. 2. I wake up, groggy, bed-headed, pajamaed. Lying next to me, fully dressed on top of the bed is Gregory Mankiw, the economist. "You're Greg Mankiw," I intelligently remark. He springs out of bed and stands up. "Would you like to discuss consumer surplus and tariffs?" "Why are you here?" I ask. "Don't you remember the Make-a-Wish Foundation?" 3. I was going to throw my tiara, but it turns out to be made of popcorn. "What a cheap groom I have," I think. He's already changed into jeans by the time his extensive family starts playing a traditional game of "here kitty, kitty," around the equally extensive reception grounds. I have no idea why we...